Friday, August 27, 2010


When I was 17, I went up to my then best friend's cottage with her dad. As he was driving (and he was a pretty good driver, especially in a K Car), he said to us that the secret of driving was to think that everyone else on the road is an asshole and are just about to do assholish things.

Now if everyone drove like that, our roads would be much safer, there would be less anger and horn-blowing, and less tractor-trailer topple over disasters. Don't believe me?

You honestly think that guy driving in the white van (because they always drive a white van) thinks you're an asshole? No - he just thinks you can't drive. He thinks you're a bitch, or an idiot, but not an asshole.

These are the people who leave accidents in their wakes. The ones who cut in front of you with 1/2" to spare from your fender, and then cut the person in the next lane off, causing them to swerve into you. The same people who absolutely have to cut over sixteen lanes in .000329 of a second in order to get to their turnoff. But to them, you're not an asshole. You're merely an inconvenience, in their way as they hurry home to sit their ass(hole) on a couch and drink beer after a long, hard day.

These are also the people who probably stand too close to you in an elevator. They certainly drive too close to your bumper. As the saying goes, "could you buy me dinner and a movie first?" When I see someone racing to rear end me, I usually whisper a little wish to ask that they please have a very  expensive car. I love my car, but if someone rear ends me and takes it out, I could always use a Ferrari.

Now, if you come across a driver who is keeping his requisite two chevrons (or more) back, checking her blind spots, signalling lane changes, and slowing down as they approach stopped traffic, chances are they probably think you're an asshole. But that's OK, because I'm thinking they are too.

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